If it’s a lie with good intentions, we can totally understand. It’s when we have asked for honesty that it sucks to be lied to. Worse if the lie comes from your loved ones, be it your family member, spouse or otherwise. It hurts to be lied to by your friends, but it hurts the most to be lied to by your close ones.

It’s as if you don’t even know the person anymore. You don’t even know what to feel anymore. You want to trust but you find it hard to do so. It’s all in the history. I believe in second chances although many do not believe one can change.

When we have been lied to, we can be quite harsh at times. It’s not that we do not want to forget the past, it’s just that we can’t seem to, not at least until we are sure of what the truth is and what is not. We are not computers, we cannot just hit the “DELETE” key and expect the memories to go away.

Images linger in my head. Many times, I have tried to dismiss negative thoughts of mine, but they just come back to haunt me. I cannot seem to get these negative thoughts off me, as things are still happening around me that is not convincing me to let go.

Some things change after you lie. You cannot expect it to be the same ever again. You can only try to rebuild the trust with the person you have lied to. What would you do if you had a friend who lied to you over and over again?

I have realised, to be successful, one has to adapt to the ever changing time. I am gonna focus on making it bigger. I am gonna adapt to changing times. If people cannot appreciate what I have to offer, then I think I am better off somewhere else.

I haven’t been able to focus properly lately. Something is bugging me. Sometimes, something trivial triggers my anxiety, so much so that, it becomes so huge. History plays a role here, I guess.

I am gonna kick back a little and do some relaxation. I need time off everything. For once, I have to try not to care about anything too much. After all, caring too much isn’t good because you get hurt easily. Take for example, when you love your car so much, it hurts when you scratch a part of it, let alone crash it!

Basically, it’s about staying focused, cool, relax, and enjoy. I also have to start being emotionally independent from now on. I’d be screwed if I can’t do it now.

For a start, lets stare at this relaxing picture of the chairs in front of Damai Puri, facing the beach…

Mmmmm… If life can always be that good…

Anyway, I have tasted porridge in many places. I always go for the pork porridge. I’ll go for the chicken if there is no pork.

To me, a porridge’s taste is very much dependent on whether the meat is deliciously seasoned or not. Many a time, the meat is just too plain in taste. The whole thing becomes so plain, you don’t even feel like taking in another scoop anymore.

Anyway, I have always liked this one shop serving pork porridge at Jalan Alor, KL. The pork meat is really tasty.

Look at that, sesame oil, and huge tasty meat balls. Oh, and you can have this with chicken egg or salted duck egg. I always opt for the latter. It kinda gives the porridge a unique taste. Heck, you can even have it with century egg.

The duck egg yolk is just simply irresistable. I just had this like 2 weeks ago and I am craving for it now. Hmm…

When you order your porridge, they like to put ginger into it. It’s supposed to enhance the taste but I like it without ginger. Then again, it all boils down to individual preferences. There you have it, a simple yet fulfilling dish for a good breakfast!

Most of us would have probably heard of Kim Gary. In case you still don’t know, Kim Gary is actually a Hong Kong style restaurant. They are famous for numerous dishes, namely the cheese baked rice as well as the French Toast. Unfortunately, I do not have any photos of the French Toast.

Anyway, I had the cheese baked rice set. It cost no more than RM20 and I had a soup with it.

OK, the picture isn’t exactly clear but what the heck, right?

This is the cream soup, but you can always opt for the Borsch soup if you so prefer. I always go for cream.

It came with complimentary dessert as well. It’s really just a simple jelly dish.

The taste is very subjective. I like it, but Clare doesn’t. I like the sour sweet taste.

Of course you have the main dish…

This is the cheese baked chicken chop rice. You have a variety to choose from the menu. I think fish, pork and beef are also available. You can opt to have this in red or white sauce.

Having Kim Gary is never complete without the Yin Yong drink. Damn it, I don’t have the photo of that with me too at the moment. It’s basically a drink with a mix of coffee and tea with milk.

Clare did not fancy cheese that night, hence she opted for some soup noodle. Honestly, most noodle dish at Kim Gary are like Maggie. For a change, she ordered this spicy noodle. We saw people eating that before, but have never tried.

I’ll be frank with you, I didn’t like it. I was a little bit too spicy and tasteless. At the end of it, Clare was sweating like nobody’s business. Look at the chilly and mind you it was a huge bowl! When I said huge, I meant, REALLY HUGE!

Don’t trust me? No kidding! Nah…

See?! I can literally put her face into the bowl. Muahahahaha…

We have many things we can do together. I tried letting her cherish us. She wants fire, I can give her fire. Oh yea! It’s up to her now. Either we continue to do nice things we haven’t had the chance to do so far or give up. I have voiced my intentions to mend the relationship because I can foresee how we can enjoy this relationship in many ways we have never tried. It’s really up to her now.

If she cannot treasure us anymore, I have no choice but to set her free, although it will hurt me a lot. The Chinese once said, mien chiang mei xing fu. I cannot force a person to love me but…

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR…

I have once loved a girl, but she ended up breaking my heart and used me. I then moved on and fell for another girl. It’s really unfortunate that this girl also never liked me to begin with. I once swore never to be involved in love anymore. I fortified my walls. Another girl came by and I never really liked her, other than just being close friends. Nothing more than that. I never imagined I would have fell for her. I eventually gave in to my feelings and I told her. That never happened at all.

I continued with life. One day, this girl I got to know through the internet started building her friendship with me. She SMSed me to ask where I was when I was not in front of the computer. She’d wait to chat with me. We built up that friendship. It was always fun talking to her. One day, I got so sick of the whole world, I decided, I don’t wanna lead her on with my life. It is then that she told me she had feelings for me. I even took time off and went to the airport just to see her off numerous times.

I was uncertain how to feel. I did not want to get into a relationship without being certain of how I felt. I felt it was unfair to her if I lead her on if I am not sure. I gave it a few days thought and decided I would love to try it out with her. I finally held her hands. We went out together, holding hands. She was the first girl whom I kissed and held hands with. I started loving her more and more each day. I grew fond of her and we did many things together.

I have celebrated her birthday with her. I have celebrated Valentines with her. We even had our first anniversary. Our relationship became rough this past month. We have been constantly arguing about a 3rd party. It’s never easy when a 3rd party comes into a relationship. It’s all in the integrity of the relationship. If we still love each other very much, there is really nothing this 3rd party can do.

Right now, she is uncertain what she feels. This 3rd party has been constantly treating her well, and it’s also because of this 3rd party that we are arguing. How perfect. She broke my defenses, I learned to love when I thought I could never love anymore. I gave her my all. I am now helpless and I can do nothing. All I can do is to wait for her to come to her senses.

I know I am stupid. I know everyone thinks I am stupid. I don’t know who to talk to anymore. People cannot understand me, and I think they probably never will. I am not blaming anyone for thinking I am stupid. I feel so lost, hopeless and depressed. I can only pray to god and hope that things can become better.