Alvin’s Weblog

9.41 P.M., 11 July 2005

I woke up this morning hoping for something good to happen for the day. Heck, I mean, who doesn’t, right? I can’t say I wasn’t satisfied with what had to be offered for the day but somehow I felt different at different times. Ask me why? To be frank, I don’t know. One thing for sure, I sure as hell feel good since I am done with the blardy exams. Cross my fingers and hope I get past this stage. I also do feel good since I got to do what I had always wanted to do for a very very long time. Don’t ask me what it is since I prefer to keep it to myself.

On the other hand, I feel down since there were and still are some things which I just can’t seem to justify and explain. Everyone seemed so moody today and that got me so “turned on”! Note the quotes. At the same time, I am feeling down due to some reasons that I myself can’t seem to explain. Not that I can’t, I just can’t seem to put it in words right now. As of now, I am feeling more or less like what is described in the song “Simple Plan – Untitled”. The lyrics are as below:

SIMPLE PLAN – UNTITLED

I open my eyes,

I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light,

I can’t remember how,

I can’t remember why,

I’m lying here tonight,

And I can’t stand the pain,

And I can’t make it go away,

No I can’t stand the pain,

How could this happen to me,

I make my mistakes,

I got nowhere to run,

The night goes on as I’m fading away,

I’m sick of this life,

I just wanna scream,

How could this happen to me?

Everybody’s screaming,

I try to make a sound,

But no one hears me,

I’m slipping off the edge,

I’m hanging by a thread,

I wanna start this over again,

So I try to hold onto a time,

When nothing mattered,

And I can’t explain what happened,

And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done,

No I can’t…

Anyway, isn’t it ironic how one can feel down and at the same time feel good? Is it a good thing? To me it isn’t. Perhaps there are some things in life that was never meant to be? It seems to me that most things in life were never meant to be for me. Oh well, not that I am a pessimist but things just appear like that to me at the moment and there is nothing that I can do to change it. Doing some things just seem wrong and not doing them also seem wrong. I really don’t know what I should be doing. I am confused and lost.

Anyway, sorry for the grunt, but I just want to spit them all out to feel better. I know, readers of this blog will be thinking, what the hell is with this guy? Negative thoughts, is that all he has. Yea, you might say that but it is just how life is to me at the moment. I am emotionally and mentally disturbed at the moment. No worries though, when the moment comes, the right and good things will spring out of nowhere and so will good posts in this blog. Anyway, that is it for now and sorry once again for another stupid post. =)